“Your article about coping with parents’ money problems made me think about the bad money habits that I picked up from my father. My parents had different attitudes about money – my mother was a saver but my father spent all he had.

“I adored Dad and I wanted to be just like him; so I never saved and gave money away just like he did. I now see where this has hurt me because I have no money. I think people need to be aware of how their parents can influence their attitudes about money.”

Your finances are in serious disarray. You live from one pay cheque to the next. You give thanks for your credit card, as without it you wouldn’t even be able to buy petrol. You know that something is very wrong – you earn enough to save and live comfortably, but somehow financial success seems like an impossible dream.

You decide to get help to fix your money problems. Books, newspaper articles, television shows and Internet websites about money become your obsession. You even get professional financial advice.

Gradually you learn the steps you need to take to turn around your life. You start with a strong intention to do the right things, yet eventually, you go right back to your bad money behaviours.

Why is it so hard for you to detour from the freeway of financial failure?

The reality is that your negative money practices didn’t happen overnight. You had a lifetime of cultivating and cementing the wrong habits, and they won’t disappear in an instant. In order to achieve lasting change, it’s important to get to the root of your money problems. To do this, you will probably have to take a trip back in time.

Freeing Yourself Of Financial Fears

In her bestselling book, The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom, money expert Suze Orman explains that “the road to financial freedom begins not in a bank or even in a financial planner’s office, but in your head”. Orman points out that your thoughts about money, good or bad, usually stem from past experiences that are money-related.

Think back to your earliest recollections about money. It may have been something your parents said or did, or your emotions around an issue with money. “Your feelings about money today (fearing it, enjoying it, loving it, hating it) can almost certainly be traced to an incident from your past,”
Orman declares.

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Years ago, I followed Orman’s advice and recalled an episode that left me terrified about holding money. I was just eight years old and I was taking my first trip to the United States. In those days, Jamaicans were restricted from carrying more than US$50 outside of the country. A relative placed a wad of foreign exchange in my suitcase, sternly warning me that the police would lock me up if they found it.

I can still sense the complete terror that having this money brought to me. Determined not to spend the rest of my life in jail, I dumped the money from my suitcase. Unfortunately, this rash action led to a rather chaotic holiday!

When I remembered this event, it suddenly made sense to me why I had always said that I didn’t want to have lots of money. Viewing the incident with an adult eye, I could actually laugh about it. This helped me to overcome my past fears and change my feelings about wealth accumulation.

Changing Your Money Influences

As you take a journey down your own memory lane, consider this: How did your parents’ or caregivers’ money attitudes and behaviours shape your own habits? The subtle money messages that they may have left behind can greatly influence your life today.

If you always heard that it wasn’t polite to talk about money, you might shy away from financial discussions, or on the flip side, you could be boastful about your money. If you saw one parent dominate the other with money, today you might exploit others, or conversely, allow yourself to be controlled with money.

Here are some questions that can help to jog your money memories:

. Were you upset that you couldn’t afford nice things like your friends?
. Did your parents quarrel about money issues?
. Were you ashamed of your home, clothes, parents’ cars or jobs?
. If you got money as a gift, what would you be told to do with it?
. When you asked for spending money, what was your parents’ response?

It’s important to use all your senses when you think back into the past, as this can help you to vividly replay your emotions. Exposing the hurts and fears from your childhood might be painful; but it is the first step to ridding yourself of the negative feelings that could be holding you back today. Once you understand the history of your money habits, you will be better able to change direction towards the road to financial success.

Copyright © 2009 Cherryl Hanson Simpson. No reproduction without written consent.

Originally published in The Daily Observer, August 13, 2009

Cherryl is a financial consultant and coach, founder of Financially S.M.A.R.T. Services. See more of her work at www.financiallyfreenetwork.com and www.financiallysmartonline.com. Contact Cherryl